God, this is hard.

Sometimes this is the reality of being a follower of Jesus- actually a lot of times. It’s sometimes questioning if He’s even heard you but trusting that even in the anxiousness of our thoughts still having the faith that He will come through even if it doesn’t make sense. It’s trying to do the right thing and still feeling like you can’t win for losing. It’s the times where you feel like the whole world is against you and you’re crying and saying,”God I’ve been faithful and I’m still trying to be, but this, this is hard.” It’s choosing to be obedient when everyone around you doesn’t understand and thinks you’re crazy. It’s choosing to love when someone is being unkind. It’s choosing to show grace when others say someone is undeserving. Following Jesus it’s not always easy. It’s actually not easy at all especially in the world we live in. It’s messing up and dusting yourself off in God’s love and trying again. The reality is, it’s hard. Satan knows when you’re valuable in the kingdom. He tries harder to make life difficult. But we serve a God who’s mightier, stronger, and so loving. He still chooses us when we are undeserving. He still tells me that I’m worthy of love no matter how much I fail Him. Even though some days are really hard, and this is my reality sometimes- I can rejoice even on days like this. Life will always be messy, my God loves me amongst my mess. Nothing is too messy for Him. “For you are making me like you, clothing me in white. Bringing beauty for ashes. For you will have your bride.” 

Dear person behind me

Dear person behind me, 

I understand that all of our walks of life look different. I know sometimes it seems like we’re dealt the most unfair cards, and sometimes it’s your whole life that seems like it’s one negative thing after the next. I understand that I don’t understand what you’ve been through. I know there’s some days that you feel like you’ve barely made it through. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not have it even slightly figured out. And I understand no matter how much you try do right, sometimes you still can’t win for losin. But, I have some good news for you. 

Dear person behind me,

I want you to know, despite what you’ve been through and what you’ve done, how much you are loved, and if you don’t feel like you’re loved, I love you. Life is full of rejections. And I want you to know, Jesus doesn’t reject you. In fact, He chooses you, even in your broken state. And you know what? We’re all broken. I am broken. The people who seem like they have all together, they don’t. We allow people to see what we want them to see. And you may not understand Jesus’s love for you but He loves you too. My prayer is that He constantly teaches me to love people. I don’t have to know you personally to love you, the fact that Jesus loves you is enough for me to love you. I promise you that everything you’ve been through is your testimony and Jesus can meet you where you are. I don’t have the answers as to why you’ve been through things, but I know that Jesus can deliver you and make your heart whole again. I may not know what you need, and you may not know either, but Jesus does. 

Dear person behind me, 

No matter what you’ve done, you’re still worthy. Jesus calls you chosen. He calls you child. You are forgiven. He loves you. I may have not have been through what you have but I still have my struggles too. Big or small struggles Jesus wants to help you through it all. Not too long ago, I found myself weeping at the altar. Momma Mel looked at my tear filled eyes and I heard Jesus speak straight through her, she said,” Faith look at me, YOU are enough. Do you hear me? YOU are enough.” That’s something I had never shared with her, but had struggled with for years. And I’m here to tell you, that you are enough too. Even on your worst day, you’re still more than enough. Jesus will fill all those holes and spaces. There’s nothing in this world that can fill that. People chase things that are so temporary trying to fill that hurt that only Jesus can fill. 

Dear person behind me, 

Let Jesus be your peace. Things may be hard right now. But I promise you, they will get better. If no one tells you today, I want you to know you’re loved. And you’re worthy of love. You’re not overlooked. Today will be a great day, and if it’s not, tomorrow is a new day and there’s plenty of opportunities for something good to happen. 

Dear God, I pray that the person reading this just knows how special they are. And if they don’t, I pray you place people in their path to remind them. This world is so full of negative, remind them of the good. Remind them that you are good. Apart from you, we have no good thing. I pray that you fill them with your love. I pray you meet them in their mess and their storm. I pray you take their hand and guide them. I pray you fill them with your peace and comfort. Lord, I pray that if what you need is for us to go through storms, that you give us an understanding heart that you’re trying to teach us something. Change our hearts and our perspective. You’re not trying to be mean or hurt us, but that it’s a lesson we need to learn. You’re the teacher. You’re the healer. I pray you make hearts whole again. I pray you fight for our hearts when we forget how to fight. I pray you help us seek you and not other things that leave us feeling empty. Thank you for the good and bad we experience, I pray you use it all for your glory. Amen. 

It’s not over, keep going. 

With love,

The person in front of you 

This Season

Y’ALL this book I’m reading stepped on every single one of my toes-yes even the pinky toe. A lot of people give the advice,”God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I have even told people that. Well that is not true. God does give us more than we can handle. Look at the whole book of Job. God literally allowed everything to happen to that man except death. (If you haven’t read about Job, I highly suggest reading it)God allows things in our lives to lead us closer. Not because he doesn’t love us but because it brings us back to him. He loves us so that he will allow you to go through things that give you no choice but to look to him. In this same book I’m reading and a sermon I listened to recently gave me the same message. (I guess God wanted me to hear it twice, I’m not mad about it.) He will allow us to get in situations without giving us all the details. In the book of exodus there was a story about God leading people to the promise land. BUT (plot twist, cue suspense music-) he didn’t lead them the short route, he lead them the long way. God apparently likes backroads too. He knew that if they would’ve gone the shorter way, they would’ve faced battle and backed out. On the detour, they were too deep in where they were to back out. But, they have to fully rely on God to provide. Those seasons of life are so necessary. In those moments God is preparing your heart. If your heart isn’t ready, what is supposed to a blessing in your life can seem like a curse. He allows seasons in our life where we have to go day by day relying on him just to get through a full 24hours. Some of my favorite things I heard listening to the sermon was “ God things have never been worse, and God says ‘yeah but spiritually you’ve never been better.’” “God I’ve never been in this much pain”, and God says,”yeah but you’ve never been in this much prayer.” All of that to say, God WILL give you more than you can handle. Not because he’s trying to hurt you, but He needs you go through certain things in life so you rely on Him and because where he’s taking you in life, he needs your heart to be in the right place. If you’re in that season right now (because same), this is not permanent. This season is temporary. The anxiety, the pain, the frustration, all of it. But, change your attitude. How long you stay in this season, is up to you. The ones on the way to the promise land didn’t have to stay in the desert for 40 years. You don’t have to stay in this season forever but how you manage the time you’re in this season is up to you. Ask God to change your heart, and embrace this season. He loves us and saves us from ourselves.( I’m no bible scholar and I’m still learning along the way. )

I don’t want to be called a “Christian”

I don’t want to be called a “Christian.” I feel like people use that so loosely. They throw it around like a lot of words that have so much meaning behind them, like the words,”love” and “hate.”  I know a lot of people in my life who want nothing to do with God because of how other people have portrayed God out to be. That affects their life eternally. Being a follower of God changes how you see everything in life. By no means do you live a perfect life but it changes you from the inside out. I pray that God shows me how he sees his people. I pray he teaches me how to love like he does. I pray he that he helps me serve the people who have hurt me and changes my heart. I want to show the world his kindness through my life. I’m reading this book right now and it talks about how God sees us naked- he sees all of our sins, and us for who are. He hears all of our thoughts and he knows what’s on our heart- all the ugly parts and he still loves us anyway. It says,” if we were together right now, I’d turn to you, with tears of true understanding, and whisper, ‘who told you you were naked? Who told you that you are anything less than a most glorious creation of the Almighty God? ‘Who spoke words over you and about you that stripped you bare and broke your heart?’” You see Adam and Eve didn’t know they were naked until they were deceived by the devil. And the devil will speak lies over you and make you believe and things about yourself that aren’t true. And the book talks about how you think these negative thoughts about yourself, and people who are also broken, will speak those things to you and you believe them. And some of these people are people who claim to be Christians. I know in my life I’ve been one of those people and I will continue to mess up. I pray that God works on me and that he helps me be more careful with my words and actions. I pray that to those I’ve hurt and didn’t show Jesus that they forgive me . People who follow Jesus are just as broken as people who don’t. But the difference is that Jesus gives us hope. I pray that I’m able to give others the same tenderness that he’s shown me. To help others see the difference. I want to be a light in this world for him. I don’t believe that I was put on this earth for me but for others. Even though that I’m in school to pursue my dream to be a dental hygienist, that is not the calling on my life. My calling is to love others and show them God’s love. We live in a cruel, sin-filled world. Full of hatred in all forms. We’re called to be different. We’re called to stand out and remind this world of Jesus. Even if I have everything I want but I don’t have Jesus, I have nothing. I don’t want to be just someone that says I’m a Christian. I want to be a true follower. 

Update

It’s crazy to me that I used to write all the time and I look back at the last time I wrote, and it was 2016. So much has happened in the last couple years and I continually find myself searching different blogs to express how I’ve felt and I finally decided to just write it myself. I’m at the strangest place in my life right now and I find myself so overwhelmed with where I want to be and who I want to be. But I get so caught up in that, that Im worried about who I want to be and I don’t realize that I’m missing the whole picture, I’m supposed to be who God wants me to be. I’m not here for me. The only reason I’m here is for God. God is slowly but surely showing me in the midst of this that life throws at me, it’s beautiful chaos because through it all I’m having no choice but to trust solely on God alone. Im growing as a person because I’m becoming very aware and mindful of my actions, and how my actions affect others. The past 2 years I’ve not been who I wanted to be and I’ve made a lot of choices I’m not proud of. I’ve hurt people in the process I wish I could take back, but I’ve learned through it all. I firmly believe sometimes you have to learn the hard way. And by hard way I mean falling smack dab on your face. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because I’ve grown from it. I guess that’s my whole reason in all this is that life is all about growing. We can choose to be better or bitter. Everything in life that happens, good and bad, God is molding us into who you and I are supposed to be. And through everything, we’re learning. You can’t grow if you’re still stuck on yesterday and there’s no room to grow if you’re still harboring bad feelings when you need to forgive and let go. Life is a constant adventure and there’s no need to take a rest stop and stay there or else you ain’t gonna get to where God wants you to go- you’ll just stay at the public bathroom with stale vending machine snacks. (Lolol) I think my big problem is I get nervous over on uncertainty and I’m constantly worrying if I made the right decision, and that’s not ever true because you’re where you are at this point in life because there’s a reason you’re there. - to be blessed or for you to be a blessing to someone else. I have faith I’ll get there where God wants me to be, and through the uncertainty, chaos, and everything else that is thrown at me-  I choose joy. 

Surrounded by believers

It's so important to have people who love Jesus surrounding you. It's so easy to drift away from God when you're not around people who crave him. What do you mean? I'm saying when you don't surround yourself with people who crave Jesus, it's easy to drift away from God. I've found myself in that situation. You become who you hang around. When you spend time with people you'll find yourself picking up some of their habits or some things they say. If you think about it, we've all done it or seen someone else do it. If you're not careful people can become distractions with your walk with Christ. Instead of going to church, you'll cancel and do something else because you just don't "feel like it" anymore when you used to love going. You lose interest. When you don't have people around you to encourage you to invest your time with Jesus, it's easy to drift away. By no means am I saying don't hangout with people who don't love Jesus! Always witness when the opportunity is granted! And you can be that person for someone else, just make sure you have that person for you as well.

I've been really struggling with my walk with  God lately, but thank God he picked me up! It's because of my accountability partners and my family of believers that redirected me when I had gone astray. I'm so incredibly thankful I have those people in my life. God is so good, when we aren't. He blesses us in so many ways. 

Real Christianity

This could never be said enough. When you're a true follower of Jesus, you love everyone because Jesus loves everyone. You don't always agree with every decision, but you love the person. That's the whole point in hate the sin, and love the sinner. And just incase anyone needs the reminder, we're all sinners. "For all has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23. Not trying to step on any toes, but just because you haven't done anything terrible doesn't mean you haven't sinned. All sins are the same in the eyes of God, so be compassionate for others. The only one that should be judging us is the one who got us here in the first place. Granted, we judge unconsciously. Just because you think it don't mean you have to say it out loud. I pray that God gives me eyes that see people the way he does, and believe me when I say that he answers prayers.