October 24,2020

I take a step back and look at my life at how I thought it should be. I look at how my flesh wished it would’ve been.  I wanted to be this age, with *enter materialistic thing here*. We all have our materialistic accomplishment. I have many things I wanted by a certain age. Growing up, I wanted to be 25, DONE with school (LOL), married, maybe kids, being a Sunday school teacher,  have cute little farm house that needs to be fixed up, I wanted my wedding to be with my closest friends and family there- with a mechanical bull. (This is my Dream I can have a mechanical bull if I want. Which I will have at my real wedding) I look at my life, and how you orchestrate everything so perfectly. I look at how everything I’ve been through that has led me to this point. This point where I’m done making a timeline of how I THINK my life should be. I’m done setting unrealistic standards for myself. Im done comparing my life to others. Others who seem to have it all together- (ps they don’t have it together) I’m finally at a place where I’m okay with however my life turns out. I’m confident that whatever you have planned for my life will surpass anything I could ever dream of. I know that your ways are good. I’m embracing this season that I originally looked at as a burden. Some days it still is a burden and I’m ready to scream. I can scream and cry and throw a fit if I want to, which only prolongs the process and makes me stay here longer OR I can change my perspective. I pray that God gives me a faith that is not contingent upon circumstances. I can remember that even when I can’t see it, you’re working. - and when I think that way, I can be content in where I am now. With being content, I can have joy and choose happiness- with excitement of what you have in store for me. - I’m still learning to be still.