Update

It’s crazy to me that I used to write all the time and I look back at the last time I wrote, and it was 2016. So much has happened in the last couple years and I continually find myself searching different blogs to express how I’ve felt and I finally decided to just write it myself. I’m at the strangest place in my life right now and I find myself so overwhelmed with where I want to be and who I want to be. But I get so caught up in that, that Im worried about who I want to be and I don’t realize that I’m missing the whole picture, I’m supposed to be who God wants me to be. I’m not here for me. The only reason I’m here is for God. God is slowly but surely showing me in the midst of this that life throws at me, it’s beautiful chaos because through it all I’m having no choice but to trust solely on God alone. Im growing as a person because I’m becoming very aware and mindful of my actions, and how my actions affect others. The past 2 years I’ve not been who I wanted to be and I’ve made a lot of choices I’m not proud of. I’ve hurt people in the process I wish I could take back, but I’ve learned through it all. I firmly believe sometimes you have to learn the hard way. And by hard way I mean falling smack dab on your face. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because I’ve grown from it. I guess that’s my whole reason in all this is that life is all about growing. We can choose to be better or bitter. Everything in life that happens, good and bad, God is molding us into who you and I are supposed to be. And through everything, we’re learning. You can’t grow if you’re still stuck on yesterday and there’s no room to grow if you’re still harboring bad feelings when you need to forgive and let go. Life is a constant adventure and there’s no need to take a rest stop and stay there or else you ain’t gonna get to where God wants you to go- you’ll just stay at the public bathroom with stale vending machine snacks. (Lolol) I think my big problem is I get nervous over on uncertainty and I’m constantly worrying if I made the right decision, and that’s not ever true because you’re where you are at this point in life because there’s a reason you’re there. - to be blessed or for you to be a blessing to someone else. I have faith I’ll get there where God wants me to be, and through the uncertainty, chaos, and everything else that is thrown at me-  I choose joy.